An Obsession with Perfection: The Myth of the Perfect Marriage

For decades media particularly Hollywood and the publishing industry have long portrayed the romantic side of relationships as being an affair between two physically attractive near perfect people. Hardly can you remember a movie made or a romantic novel written where the protagonists were not cast in perfection. The men are always tall, dark, muscular, jaw lines chiseled in granite and strikingly handsome. The ladies are immaculately woven like dripping golden chocolate with the beauty of a goddess and the virtue of angels.

How much can we blame Hollywood or the publishing companies? These industries need millions if not billions of viewers and readers to stay in business. The attention of the audience is critical to their survival. And here is found the root of the media's obsession with perfection. The conclusion is that there was never any dark malevolent plot to mislead the audience and plant "seeds of evil" in the hearts of the innocent as many moralists would criticize. Moral decay is essentially a by-product of these industries. The public are nothing more than victims of "friendly fire" as competing media try to outdo each other in portraying perfection. Regardless, failure to attract an audience spells impending doom for any studio, producer, publisher or writer.

Unwittingly we have all become lost in the proverbial rabbit hole of fantasy that has been woven into our very lives by social media and television. The likes of Hollywood for decades infact have spoon fed millions of us from the first time we embraced the guilded screens of our TVs or gently unwrapped the fine packaging of our smart phones. We grew up on it. Imagine whole generations of people brought up to believe that the ideal relationship only happens between ideal people. We begin to search for the ideal in possible mates. This ideal which is in most cases an improbable reality becomes the endless frustrating search for perfection. It leads to an unending list of negative outcomes including late marriage or even no marriage, mental health issues and a string of failed romantic relationships.

Fast forward to the year 2023. We can ask the question everyone is scared to ask.  Why do most young women have these ridiculously high and almost unreachable expectations of their ideal men? Where did these young ladies get such incredible ideas that the perfect man in essence, is young, has loads of money, is incredibly sexy and endlessly caring? In addition these men grow on trees and will infact drop occasionally into their laps like oranges? Where? Well, we need look no further than our smart phones and TVs.

Relationship Power Dynamics

He must be sensitive to the power dynamics of every relationship.

 As a man he is born to be a leader. But for a true leader to emerge there must be competition. Every part of his physical and genetic makeup is designed for competition and survival in a hostile environment. He is not prone to quitting. He is made for fighting and pushing against the odds. He is a tenacious winner and persistent in fighting for what he wants.

He is a descendant of warriors. His ancestors died on the battlefields of seven continents. They died exploring the hidden secrets of the dense jungles. They collapsed under the scorching heat of unforgiving deserts. They succumbed to the incurable diseases which they were exposed to. They were slaughtered in wars and struggles with other men. Their blood flowed freely so that others could survive. That is why he is here today. He is a man. He is designed to be in control.

You intuitively know what is in your control and what is not when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. You know when her influence is above and beyond what you can manage. There is a point when your voice gets drowned out and it can no longer be heard. It is at this point that your control is lost. No words are spoken between you and it may never be discussed but you know it as a fact. The power dynamics have changed. She is in control. She is in the driver's seat.

What tools are available for a man to avoid this situation? There are many. The greatest of all is silence. Avoid responding in words. Choose to respond in your actions. Refuse to be moved by outbursts of emotion. As often as possible be without emotions. Hide your emotions with all the diligence and skill of a pirate hiding his treasures. Be definite in your decisions. Be firm in your convictions. Build walls of assurance around you and you will retain control as surely as a sponge retains water. In a crazy twist of irony every woman desires to be controlled. She yearns for a man who will to control her. Yet, if you fail to control her, she will have no choice but to control you.

When A Man Is In Control

In her presence he finds it easy and natural to take charge. She doesn't impose on him any unecessary requirements of performance. Her expectations are reasonable and logical. They are within his limited capacity and potentials. She always adjusts to his boundaries. It does not matter what they are...emotional, spiritual, social or even financial. She will find a way to create happiness and satisfaction. She will find a way to be accommodating in all circumstances.

It's a seamless, natural transition from passive to active role whenever she is around. There is delight in rising to the occasion to meet her needs. It may not be easy all the time but the rewards are always worth the effort. Her glowing smile of satisfaction and the regular affirmations of love and loyalty are all that are needed. It is enough to make him want to climb mountains and swim across oceans in pursuit of her desires. She is not manipulative or controlling. She is always simple minded and sincere.

She's comfortable in the space he creates for her. She smiles and laughs easily. She has eyes only for him. She is determined to make the best of what is available and to maximize what is provided. He is driven more by the desire to see her happy. Many are motivated by the fear of failure or the complaining or nagging rants. Indeed, she is not capable of going even that far. 

It's ironic that the happiest seem to be the most unambitious. She does not find joy in "stuff". Instead she finds joy in having a loving partner that adores her and is willing to slay dragons in pursuit of her happiness.

The Male Child Needs A Father's Guidance

I have a son and I often relate with other father's from time to time. We discuss a wide range of topics. We compare notes on family and life in general. We share a lot of experiences. We look for answers, dissecting possible solutions one by one.

A common perception among many father's today is that male children require less guidance and training compared to females. It almost like boys are not at risk simply because they are boys. It's a wrong perception. Male children are equally vulnerable to negative influences and vices same as female children 

All children regardless of sex should be provided the highest level of protection and guidance. The boy child should not be neglected as being risk free. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, brainwashing with strange ideas, pear pressure, gang violence and substance abuse are just a tip of the iceberg. The dangers are many and very real for the male child in modern society.

At all ages father's must be involved in developing the mindset, value systems and decision making processes of the male child. There must be a conscious, strategic effort to prepare boys from a young age to become socially responsible adult males in society. They must understand modern civilized society and how it works.

In the past, father's were more actively involved in raising their son's to be men. An informal education system was in place whereby the child would be educated in practical terms under the watchful eye of a father "coach". 

This informal teaching would involve such things as hunting skills, types of plants and wildlife, outdoor survival, farming, fishing, weapons and self defense. In addition the child would closely observe the father's leadership skills, his ways of handling conflicts and disciplinary issues within the family. As the child grew older topics like sexuality and women would be included in this informal training between father and son.

Eventually by early adulthood males would typically log incalculable number of  hours of practical training on a wide variety of topics. Some cultures have a "coming of age" period or ceremony which signifies the formal acceptance of the young adult into the fraternity of men within the community. This comes with certain rights and privileges depending on culture and traditions.

In comparison, modern male children have only a fraction of contact with their fathers. Most receive little if any strategic training outside of basic moral codes and value systems. Father's today are just too busy and too distracted to put any thought or effort to purposefully teaching their son's. The general idea is that young men will learn what they need to know along the way like a form of "in-service" training. This is a terrible and destructive mindset.

Never in the history of mankind have boys and young men needed the guidance of their father's more than at this time. The information overload and avalanche of new age ideas is simply too much for many young minds to handle alone. Unfortunately that's what many male children are doing. The consequences are simply too catastrophic to imagine.

 It's time for father's to step up to their responsibilities in the modern age.