An Obsession with Perfection: The Myth of the Perfect Marriage

For decades media particularly Hollywood and the publishing industry have long portrayed the romantic side of relationships as being an affair between two physically attractive near perfect people. Hardly can you remember a movie made or a romantic novel written where the protagonists were not cast in perfection. The men are always tall, dark, muscular, jaw lines chiseled in granite and strikingly handsome. The ladies are immaculately woven like dripping golden chocolate with the beauty of a goddess and the virtue of angels.

How much can we blame Hollywood or the publishing companies? These industries need millions if not billions of viewers and readers to stay in business. The attention of the audience is critical to their survival. And here is found the root of the media's obsession with perfection. The conclusion is that there was never any dark malevolent plot to mislead the audience and plant "seeds of evil" in the hearts of the innocent as many moralists would criticize. Moral decay is essentially a by-product of these industries. The public are nothing more than victims of "friendly fire" as competing media try to outdo each other in portraying perfection. Regardless, failure to attract an audience spells impending doom for any studio, producer, publisher or writer.

Unwittingly we have all become lost in the proverbial rabbit hole of fantasy that has been woven into our very lives by social media and television. The likes of Hollywood for decades infact have spoon fed millions of us from the first time we embraced the guilded screens of our TVs or gently unwrapped the fine packaging of our smart phones. We grew up on it. Imagine whole generations of people brought up to believe that the ideal relationship only happens between ideal people. We begin to search for the ideal in possible mates. This ideal which is in most cases an improbable reality becomes the endless frustrating search for perfection. It leads to an unending list of negative outcomes including late marriage or even no marriage, mental health issues and a string of failed romantic relationships.

Fast forward to the year 2023. We can ask the question everyone is scared to ask.  Why do most young women have these ridiculously high and almost unreachable expectations of their ideal men? Where did these young ladies get such incredible ideas that the perfect man in essence, is young, has loads of money, is incredibly sexy and endlessly caring? In addition these men grow on trees and will infact drop occasionally into their laps like oranges? Where? Well, we need look no further than our smart phones and TVs.

Relationship Power Dynamics

He must be sensitive to the power dynamics of every relationship.

 As a man he is born to be a leader. But for a true leader to emerge there must be competition. Every part of his physical and genetic makeup is designed for competition and survival in a hostile environment. He is not prone to quitting. He is made for fighting and pushing against the odds. He is a tenacious winner and persistent in fighting for what he wants.

He is a descendant of warriors. His ancestors died on the battlefields of seven continents. They died exploring the hidden secrets of the dense jungles. They collapsed under the scorching heat of unforgiving deserts. They succumbed to the incurable diseases which they were exposed to. They were slaughtered in wars and struggles with other men. Their blood flowed freely so that others could survive. That is why he is here today. He is a man. He is designed to be in control.

You intuitively know what is in your control and what is not when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. You know when her influence is above and beyond what you can manage. There is a point when your voice gets drowned out and it can no longer be heard. It is at this point that your control is lost. No words are spoken between you and it may never be discussed but you know it as a fact. The power dynamics have changed. She is in control. She is in the driver's seat.

What tools are available for a man to avoid this situation? There are many. The greatest of all is silence. Avoid responding in words. Choose to respond in your actions. Refuse to be moved by outbursts of emotion. As often as possible be without emotions. Hide your emotions with all the diligence and skill of a pirate hiding his treasures. Be definite in your decisions. Be firm in your convictions. Build walls of assurance around you and you will retain control as surely as a sponge retains water. In a crazy twist of irony every woman desires to be controlled. She yearns for a man who will to control her. Yet, if you fail to control her, she will have no choice but to control you.